Wednesday, January 19, 2005
im facing some HUGE inner conflicts, obviously. i dont see why im not one of those ppl that says to themselves JUST DO IT and then they do it, whatever it is.
i suppose i have the motivation...i woke up at 4 yesterday, and the day before and this morning i woke up at 5, just so i could do this work. but each and every time, i find some reason NOT to do it. procrastinating normally, but maybe cos im tired or something else.
DAMN YOU ENGLISH ESSAY!!!!!!!!!
its not even an interesting essay question. its boring, boring, BORING!!!!!!!!!
here are some pics of me. just because
1 ++2 ++3
anyway, now would be a good time to stop messing around and go do that essay....not waste time writing to my invisible audience.
Posted at 09:58 pm by cpears
Saturday, January 08, 2005
i could cry with frustration. im trying to be mari, an aging woman who smokes 40 packs a day, has NO education and comes from Scarborough, who is desparately trying to get her boyfriend to stay, while he calls her an ugly good for nothing slut.
its bloody difficult.....i think ill go play my cello to vent.
--edit--
i have a fat lip. its all swollen and bleeding constantly. it hurts and it does NOT look good........
--edit--
i just went shopping with michael (his leg is healing i suppose. but if he goes out and has crazy party nights he comes home with internal bleeding cos of his haematoma. gah ill die if it gets worse i swear) and it put me in the best mood..he's the only person on earth who i can be totally pissed off with and it will take less than a second for me to forgive him. or i can be soo depressed or angry and he will hug me and everything will be alright. he's THE ONLY person...i love him so much...DANGIT!!
Posted at 06:16 am by cpears
Friday, January 07, 2005
today was eerie. there is no other way to explain....it was wierd, the atmosphere was different and for some reason i couldnt believe that i was ever going to be at home after it all. it was the kind of day that left me thinking on the bus on the way home that something so odd was going to happen and it would all end in some really out of the ordinary way. and...i wasnt actually afraid. and i am such a coward...
india brought in an electric shock game, and i am TERRIFIED of those. my brother bought an electric shock lighter where you try to light it up and it shocks you and i did it and i practically died. literally i jumped onto the floor and lay there for about four hours. (exaggeration) so yeah i didnt have the guts to play that game. other than that i have a really high pain threshold. when my brother (the same one) shot me in the stomach with a BBgun, i just continued walking and didnt even wince. it hurt but i chose not to show it....
but what did i do.....erm.....school days are not to be discussed outside school.
in music we listened to some amazing Paganini. he is just unbelievable..i dont understand how that man existed. i am so unbelievably in awe and.....yes im jealous i will admit.
xox
Posted at 10:03 am by cpears
Saturday, January 01, 2005
im not really in the mood but ill post these up because there were a few ppl who wanted to see them and i dont want to be hassled.
basically i was dressed and made up for my grandmas new years partyand er....yeah. the insane lady who did my makeup made me look like a cake. of makeup. i had to go to the toilet and take it off subtly. i hate makeup..... and my outfit wasnt "smart" enough but i liked it so who cares? if by smart they mean wearing some low cut miniature outfit like half the ladies there then im sorry but im not going to be smart. end of story. i dont see myself as something that needs to be looked at and studied before im liked. these were taken on timer of me in my natural state...it even got one of me desparately rubbing at my lips to get the lipstick off.
<--this one kinda crept in....
my desk lamp melted! that is so...wierd. anyhoo gotta go (i have more important things to do; lying on my bed thinking about stuff)
happy new years by the way
Posted at 07:15 am by cpears
Thursday, December 30, 2004
i have never met anyone as beautiful as Dez
Posted at 12:50 am by cpears
